Walking on the sidewalk
Downtown Ipswich MA
41 degrees
Late afternoon
The sun is low and bright in the winter sky
My son on my shoulders
My daughter by my side
We watch our shadows dance along a white picket fence
The simple moments are my favorite.
When I open my eyes and see.

Tonight I will make roasted Pork Loin from the recipe of genius chef Mark Bittman.

Here's how that goes.

Heat oven to 325 degrees

Ingredients:
3 and a half lb pork loin
2 Tablespoons of rosemary
1 Tablespoon of salt
1 Tablespoon of pepper
3 garlic cloves minced
1/2 tsp of cayenne pepper

Mix spices and garlic together and then rub all over the pork loin.
Place in an oven safe baking dish with sides (I use a La Crueset dutch oven with the lid off)
Mark Bittman calls for 1 cup of white wine to be poured into the dish, but I will use vermouth, because that's what I have in my cabinet.  Add a couple sliced onions and potatoes.  Cook until pork is 160 degrees in the center.

Simple, good and full of flavor.  Bon appetite.

Over the past several months I have been co-writing weekly with a friend.  Co-writing is vulnerable, naked, raw.  It is idea bouncing off of idea, dream meeting dream,  lyric meeting melody to birth a fairy tale. When I enter the room for an evening of co-writing, I know that I will have moments of brilliance and moments of lameness.  The freedom to be both, to put both good or bad idea out into the open, is important in the journey towards a great song.  It is equally important to know that there is a safe place for any idea to be shared.  I won't be made to feel the fool, but can perhaps even laugh at some of the nonsense.  One thought can spark another thought, leading to the missing piece of the puzzle of a song.  If I don't release the good with the bad, and allow myself to be vulnerable before another, we might miss out on a beautiful story.  We need to leave offenses at the door with the understanding that this is a partnership, and both parties need to be satisfied with the result.

Relationships take work, and none are perfect.  My husband and I are no strangers to arguments.  It is a common occurrence for us to have completely different plans, thoughts, ideas or ways of going about a thing.  Married or not, being able to relate to another person is a skill that we need to learn in order to live life in harmony.

Driving in the car the other day, I could feel the tension of ideas brewing between us.  I looked at him and said, "Hey, let's co-write our life together."

'Tis the season to bake cookies, so the other day I decided to make this years first batch of Christmas cookies with Helen.  She was thrilled, and I was thrilled to get to share with her something that I really love to do.  So I set out to teach her how to ball up the dough, roll it out, and then cut it into shapes.  In the process she got frustrated saying, "mommy I can't do it."  My response was, "honey, one day you will be just like mommy, and you will be able to do it."  She replied, "I don't want to be just like you."   Being taken aback by her words, I asked her, "who do you want to be like?"  She said, "I want to be like me."

As an artist I often ask myself the same question.  Who do I want to be like?  Who do I want to sound like?  What should l look like?  Who's career should I model?  In a world that is influenced by a cookie cutting industry, there is a lot of confusion on what defines success.  The simple truth  is that I need to accept who I am and become the greatest version of me that I can be.  Leave it to the innocent confidence of a 4 year old to be that reminder.  She is an amazing soul.

As most of you know, I am part of a trio called Maeve.  Rollyn Bornhorst, Courtney Reid and I have been musical partners for a decade.  It took 10 years and 10 albums, to finally get to what I consider to be our best release to date and one of the most satisfying, inspirational, musical and spiritual experiences of my life. 

It's one week away from what is becoming Maeve's busiest time of year.  Also known as, "the most wonderful time of the year".  We are gearing up for many Christmas concerts that will be happening throughout the month of December.  Last year we made a "Maeve dream" come true, but finally recording an album of traditional Christmas hymns as well as 4 original Christmas songs.  These songs of peace, joy, love and ultimately freedom were birthed because of the birth of God himself and remain mysteriously fresh regardless of when they were written.  It is so appropriate the this album was recorded in a barn.  The process of capturing the songs and entering in to their message was joyfully overwhelming.  I'm so glad I got to experience something unforgettable with my 2 musical partners, and life long friends.


Please check your calendar and ours at  www.maevemusic.com, and see if perhaps over the month of December, you could join us as we sing these sacred songs, in a new way.


Also, check out one of the original tunes on the Christmas album, along with a lovely view of my fireplace :)

Halloween is a bit confusing...

Conflict #1
This was my first year taking my children trick or treating.  I told my 4 year old what was about to take place, and she had a dumbfounded look on her face as if to say, "are you kidding me?  I'm about to receive a bucket of candy and you are OK with it?"  This is contrary to ever other day in our life, when I explain how bad candy is for her and how it only leads to a belly ache.
Conflict #2
Halloween is a day where many people take joy in dressing up like killers.  On Halloween it is consider fun to become the likeness of something terrible.  It's a day where one gets to act like something that would otherwise in real life be unacceptable.  So on Halloween night when we pass someone on the street wearing a hockey mask,  I am allowed to say to my children, "no, no, honey, don't be scared that person is just pretending to be a serial killer.  It's OK."
Conflict #3
In an effort to reduce the amount of candy that my children would eat, and because I love to bake,  I chopped up all of the peanut butter cups and snickers bars and made a 9x13 pan of cookies.  Now who do you think is going to eat that?

So I touched on the thought that, "nothing good comes easy" in the beginning of my last post.  And in my short list of good things that don't come easy, I mentioned writing a song. 

I am a mother, a wife, a baker, a friend, a bookkeeper, a songwriter...
From the moment I wake up to the moment that my two children go to sleep (roughly by 7:30pm) I am 100% devoted to their needs.  Anything that I could possibly want to do during the day, has to be weighed out and determined whether or not I can accomplish that thing in the presence of my kids.  Most things, aside from being a mother, have to take place in the evening hours.  On a good night, discipline rules and I can head nose first into the world of songwriting. 

Art begins with spontaneous inspiration from who knows where.  The words are all there floating around, I just need to reach up, grab them and place them together like a puzzle.  Sometimes I have a clear path and a story forms in such a fluid way, it's thrilling.  Other times, there is a lot of muddle to work through and I will have spent 3 to 4 hours of the evening in frustration like a Phlebotomist that can't find the vein.  It is in those moments that I have crazy thoughts filled with self doubt.  "Who do you think you are?  You call yourself a song writer?  You've wasted an entire evening?  Pack it up!"  If I were to listen to those thoughts and let them win, I would die.  I would be losing a vital piece of who I am. 

So in those times of writers block, there is only one thing for me to do.  Go to bed.  Get re-energized.  6AM comes really soon and the other vital parts of me need attention as well.  Perhaps the pitter patter of little feet running down the hall will create new inspiration.  My eyes will be awake and open to all the creative possibilities a new day will bring.  That much needed rest, I hope, will give me a fresh perspective and allow me to believe that tomorrow is a new day, the evening will come again and I WILL write another song.

I find it amazing that anything that's really good, doesn't come easy.  I can name a few obvious things, the birth of a child, saving money for a down payment on a home, the traffic you have to fight through after a long day of work, writing a great song... the list goes on.
My husband and I have recently been consumed by a rather large life decision.  It's one of those decisions that either way you go, you won't be wrong, but because we can't see the future, we are riddled with the options of what will ultimately be the best choice for our family.  The best thing to do when you find yourself at a cross roads, is of course to pray, and hope that the Spirit moves you like a weather vane and points you in the right direction.  While waiting for that wind to blow, you can either get knocked over, disoriented, frustrated, etc.  or allow yourself to sink into the inner peace that comes from faith.
This summer I have been exercising frequently.  I play the same podcast with the same instructor about 3 times a week.  There is a pose the instructor loves to have us hold for long durations, of course, because it will ultimately net a great butt and thighs, but the other motive is to grow in the ability to relax in the face of something challenging.  The idea is to focus less on the struggle, and more on all the good stuff that is going on around you.  Perhaps its a resting pose, a time to quiet the mind.
At the moment, we don't know which way we are going to go, but while we wait at the cross roads, in our pose, I'm learning how to be alive and breathe through it.

 

Laying in an almost pitch black room.  My 4 year old daughter is nestled up against me.  She's shooting her flashlight at the ceiling and making shapes with her hand, discovering shadows and the way the light bends.  It's a new world for her and everyday a new discovery.  As I am with her, I can't help but think of all the things I need to get done, all the things that are put on hold, and I catch myself doing it.  It's work sometimes to stop my thoughts from being where I am not.   She called me into this room to be with her.  I get to experience this moment.
So here I am...